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4 Things To Do For a Friend Who is Grieving

4 Things To Do For a Friend Who is Grieving

Today’s list holds an extra tender place in my heart. As someone who is actively grieving a recent miscarriage yet has been buoyed by the unexpected grace and kindness of those around me, I wanted to pay it forward and share this newfound wisdom with those looking to comfort grieving friends. I also want to say to all the other mamas who are grieving right now: I see you, I am so sorry, and I’m holding you in my heart.

(If you’re interested, I’ve shared more about my miscarriage and grieving process here, here, and here.)

| 1 | Keep asking her how she is doing.

Not just the first day she shares the news or in the first week of her loss, but keep checking in on her in the weeks and months that follow. Grief simply doesn’t go away overnight; the process of grieving is long and winding, and she needs you along the way. It may not be easy for her to bring up weeks later that she’s still struggling. Make it easy for her to have conversation if she needs it. Simply ask her how she’s doing today and give her permission to not be okay. Tissues and shoulders to cry on are very much appreciated.

| 2 | Deliver her (comfort) food.

Whether it’s a hot meal, her favorite snack or a $5 venmo for a coffee on you, send it her way. She’s likely forgotten to eat or doesn’t have the energy to think about her own food consumption. Make it simple through your delivery.

| 3 | Let your heart speak instead of using generic condolences.

  • If you don’t know what to say, say “I don’t know what to say”.

  • If you feel yourself welling up with tears as she tells you, cry with her.

  • If you want to say you are so sorry for her loss and you’ll be here with her every step of the way, say it.

  • Avoid disheartening statements like these.

| 4 | Give her grace.

She may seem distant. She may not respond to messages. She may not want to talk or see you for a while, especially if she feels like she is always on the verge of bursting into tears. She may not be strong enough to have face-to-face conversations—so let her have that space. And if she seems to keep moving on in life with no pause, give her grace there, too. She may be moving forward and keeping her eyes up to help her navigate the grief. Show her you care, even from afar and trust that your care and concern is received on her end.

Always remember, a little kindness goes a long way.

xoxo, Lisa

ps: Amy Kiefer is such a beautiful friend and I felt compelled in the moment to capture her kindness as my heart was flooded with gratefulness as I received. it.

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